The Way We Loved Page 8

I don’t answer him. I can’t. And before I find the words to string together, he’s pulling away. On one hand, I understand what he’s saying. Four years is a long investment to throw away. If I were coaching another couple prior to having experienced the betrayal myself, I would urge them to try. I would tell them they owed it to themselves.

  After the heart-wrenching truth settled into my gut the day I heard Brad and Cindy, I didn’t think I could ever see his face without hearing those noises again. And now he shows up, wanting to make things work.

  “What the hell, Sammy? Can you believe this shit?” I loosen the girth and slide the saddle and blanket off his back. Steam rises from his sweat-soaked skin. I lay the saddle across one of the stall doors and grab a wash bucket and brush.

  One of the first lessons you’re taught when riding is that afterward, you let the horse cool. No food or water until their body temp levels back out. Otherwise, you run the risk of a horse colicking. I’ve only seen one horse colic, and it was more than enough for me. Essentially, a horse lacks the ability to throw up, and if it eats while hot, the stomach and intestines can twist, causing gas to build up. Most don’t survive it.

  I let Samson cool while I unsaddle Spark and then pull the water hose out. Starting at his feet, I coat his skin, cooling his body, and then lather up and wash every inch of him before rinsing again. I comb out his mane and tail and braid them both in long, thick braids. While I work, I go through the situation with Brad. In my heart, I know I can’t make it work, and not because he slept with my best friend.

  I started dating Brad because he was the type of man I thought I needed. He looked the part. He never pushed me in anything. If I needed to leave for a week or a month, he would be there when I returned and everything would continue like no time had passed. I was comfortable, complacent. Being with Brad was like taking the next step on the imaginary ladder I had created in my mind. The ladder I needed to reach in order to finally consider myself a success. But it was shallow and empty.

  Our relationship lacked everything that made a relationship worth fighting for. It lacked fire and passion, and while I did care for him, I don’t think I was ever truly in love with Brad. He stepped in and filled an empty slot in my life, and I let him stay because he didn’t disrupt it.

  When I finish with Samson, I’ve made a decision about Brad. He can hang around town until he starts speaking with a southern accent, but I’m not going back to him. After unhooking Samson, I lead him to his stall and then do the same with Spark. The West Coast should be waking up about now, and I have some things I need to get off my chest.

  Grabbing a water from the fridge, I make my way to where I set up this morning. It’s time to update my followers and let the pieces fall where they may.

  16

  #ihatered

  Calvin

  Sitting in the house while Blake stood outside talking to the piece of shit who cheated on her almost drove me crazy. As soon as his car careened out of the drive, I jumped in my Ford and left. I needed a minute away so I didn’t open my mouth and say something I knew I would regret.

  I listened for screaming and yelling, but all I heard was silence. Other than the shocked expression when she saw his car, she didn’t seem the least bit upset that he was here. She didn’t seem upset with him at all.

  I wasn’t sure what to make of that. I thought after last night, she was done with him. At least, that is what I was led to believe. I didn’t think Blake was the type of person to play games and string someone along, but I hadn’t seen her in over ten years. People change. I knew that better than most.

  I drive down Main Street when I see his car at our local watering hole and U-turn into a parking space out front.

  The bar is dimly lit, Keith Urban bellowing from the speakers. There is only a handful of people inside, but even if it had been slammed, I would have been able to pick him out. City slickers never really fit in, no matter how hard they try. Brad didn’t try at all.

  I slide into the bar a couple of stools down and wait for Janie to pass me a Bud Light. He’s managed to start conversation with a couple of locals, and I listen to him bullshit his way through a few conversations.

  “Can you believe it?” I don’t register Janie until she sets my beer down.

  “Believe what?”

  “He came all the way down here to be with our Blake. What a love story. I hear they’re supposed to be planning a wedding, may even have it down over on Blackberry Lane.”

  “Who told you that?” I ask with more bite than I intend, and Janie takes a step back. She glances at Brad and back to me.

  “Oh, Calvin, I’m sorry.”

  I stand and toss a five on the bar without touching my beer. So she decided to take him back? After everything he did to her? I slam the door to my truck and back out. I thought last night meant something. I knew there were some women who’d run around, kissing on people and doing all sorts of other things without a thought in the world about a future, but I didn’t think Blake was like that. I thought we shared something special. Hell, truth be told, I thought she was back and that we’d finally have our chance.

  I let her go eleven years ago because I knew that’s what she needed. She had always wanted to see the world and live in a big city where no one knew her. I wanted her to experience that life. So when the time came, I helped her pack her bags and load her car. I didn’t ask her to stay, not that I thought she’d be able to, anyway. I let her go, and I spent the next few years avoiding every trace of conversation about her. I wanted great things for her, but I didn’t want to hear about them. It tore my chest open imagining her out there without me.

  After a while, I gave up the idea of her ever coming back to me. Maybe what I had felt for her was different than what she felt for me. I accepted that I had lost my best friend. I had lost the love of my life. For the next five years, I worked my ass off. When Jim, Beau’s dad, passed away, leaving the ranch to him, he asked me to come on board as a partner. We’d split everything 50/50, including the debt his dad left behind. I didn’t have anything else, so I accepted and poured myself into PRR. For the last year, we’ve worked to build Point of Retreat into a respectable cattle ranch and boarding facility, month after month, slowly paying off past debts.

  I finally had something of my own. It wouldn’t ever replace the love I felt for Blake, but it gave my mind something to focus on other than what we had.

  I never expected to see her again. I had given up the idea. I’m surprised I didn’t fall on my ass when I saw her standing in Beau’s kitchen. For a minute, I thought I was hallucinating.

  Everything happens for a reason. I believe that. I’ve tried to live by that, but I’ll be damned if I can find a reason for her showing up and then leaving with the piece of shit who hurt her. I just can’t. I refuse to sit by and watch her walk away from me again. My heart can’t handle it.

  17

  #missinglover

  Blake

  I search for Calvin after going live. I want to celebrate new beginnings and fresh starts.

  What’s Cal’s number? I text Beau. He sends me the contact followed by a question mark.

  I thought he was with you.

  Brad showed up and Cal took off.

  Shit.

  I close out of our messages and open a new one, adding in Cal’s contact information.

  Hey, it’s Blake.

  Where are you?

  Wanna grab dinner?

  I send three messages, back to back. It’s a weird quirk of mine, but I never text long messages. I send thoughts as they occur to me, and usually, they’re too sporadic to be part of one message. It used to annoy Brad to death.

  I check the responses to my live video online and am surprised by the numbers. Not only that, but the number of comments wanting to know about where I am and what’s happening here. I hadn’t thought much about promoting PRR to my personal followers, and now I wonder why. It would be great for both of us, and if done right, I could get a jump on Point o
f Retreat’s social media presence.

  With that thought in mind, I head inside.

  Four hours later, I’ve got Point of Retreat online on Instagram and Facebook and put the final touches on the website. I’ve put in an order for business flyers and posters to hang around town and created a newsletter to keep subscribers updated about changes and upcoming events.

  I still haven’t heard back from Calvin, so I text him again.

  Hey. I want to show you something. Then I send the link to the website.

  When he doesn’t text back again, I head downstairs to see if Beau is still up. He is, and from the smell of things, his stomach led him to the kitchen. I knock on the back door and step inside.

  “Hey, you hungry? I was just whipping up some breakfast for dinner.”

  “I’m starving. I messaged Cal earlier to see if he wanted to grab dinner, but I never heard back.”

  “Hmm. You said Brad was here. Did Cal see him?”

  “Yeah, but he wasn’t here long. Cal went inside so I could deal with him, and next thing I know, he’s gone. You haven’t heard from him?”

  “No, but I haven’t tried, either.”

  “Oh.”

  “Listen, I don’t mean this the wrong way, but if you plan to work things out with Brad, then maybe you should give Cal some space. It’s not going to be easy for him to lose you again.”

  “Why the hell would I work things out with Brad?”

  “You’re not?”

  “No. What makes you say that? Is that what Cal thinks too? Is that why he’s ignoring me?”

  “I don’t know, Blake. As far as how I knew that, well, I’d ask Brad. Seems he was a bit talkative at Joe’s, and his story doesn’t much match yours.”

  “That weaseling son of a bitch. I’m going to kill him.”

  “Maybe stop short of murder?”

  I pile my plate with eggs and bacon and pull two pancakes on there too. I’m gonna need my energy for when I find Brad.

  “The asshole could have talked to me. He didn’t have to run off.”

  “Yeah, but look at it from his point of view.”

  “I am. Which is why I’m not planning to kill him too.”

  Beau laughs, and some of the tension in the room fades away.

  “Probably just kick his ass real good,” I say, shoving a bite of syrup-filled pancakes into my mouth.

  “Want me to record it?” Beau asks, and the rest of the tension leaves. I nod, swallowing, and take a drink of water. The rest of dinner passes in comfortable silence. I send the link to the website to Beau and let him open it up on his phone.

  “Do you see anything you want changed?”

  “Blake, this is perfection. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

  “Awesome. We’ll put the final touches on the trail ride schedule, and then we need to start interviewing for a horse lesson trainer. I can do it until we get someone in here, since I doubt we’ll have a lot of interest in the beginning.”

  “Okay. I can let Janie down at Joe’s know and put up a flyer at the feed store.”

  “Sure. Sounds good. Let me know if you want me to post online, but I think finding someone local would be best, if possible.”

  “Agreed.”

  I rinse my plate and load the dishwasher with our dishes.

  “I’ll see you in the morning. Thanks for dinner.”

  “Goodnight.”

  I shower and climb into bed, but before setting my alarm, I check to see if Calvin has texted.

  He hasn’t.

  18

  #rinseandrepeat

  Calvin

  The thought of seeing Blake with Brad makes my skin crawl. If she can’t see that she deserves more, I don’t know how to open her eyes.

  In order to avoid Blake, I’m also avoiding Beau and the ranch. At least until she leaves, then I’ll go back and attempt to pick up the pieces she leaves behind.

  When she first arrived, I didn’t put much stock in her ideas on expanding, but once she explained it all to me, I could see it taking off. The closest registered horse trainer is over a hundred miles away, and I don’t think he offers lessons of any kind. A lot of people want to experience the fun of riding but haven’t grown up doing it the way I had, and without someone there to teach them the ins and outs, they wouldn’t ever get the chance.

  Blake is offering them that opportunity. Hopefully, she wouldn’t be mad if we decided to continue it without her. Maybe I could talk Beau into asking her.

  “Calvin, phone,” Katherine, my mother, called from the living room. Yeah, I ran home to my mother’s. It was the only place where I knew Blake wouldn’t find me. She hadn’t been able to see my mother since her own had passed away. I think in a lot of ways, my mom reminded her of exactly what she’d lost. It didn’t help that Mom and Tricia, her mom, were so close. Through all of Tricia’s appointments and treatments, my mother was there. Seeing her would bring back stuff Blake had been running from for years.

  “Yeah?” I ask, picking up the phone receiver.

  “Calvin, did you forget how to answer your damn cell?”

  “No. I left it at the barn and haven’t been back to get it yet.”

  “Do you plan to come back anytime soon?”

  “Is Blake still there?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then no.”

  “Calvin, listen—”

  I cut him off. “Let me know when she’s gone. Gotta go.” I hang up and turn off the ringer. Mom will be pissed when she realizes it, but I don’t wanna hear any of Beau’s shit right now. Mom has a list of odds and ends around the house that need done, so I pull it from the fridge and get started.

  Two hours later, I’ve changed three light bulbs, tightened the bathroom faucet valve, flushed the water heater, and replaced one of the stovetop coils. I’m only a fourth of the way down the list. I open the fridge and grab a bottle of water then add another item to the list, replace fridge light, when I hear the sound of a truck pulling up.

  Figuring it’s Beau come to give me a piece of his mind for not answering the phone, I step outside. Sure enough, his truck comes barreling down the drive, but Beau isn’t inside.

  “You have to be the most irritating jackass I’ve ever laid eyes on.” She’s wearing a sundress that cuts off mid-thigh with her damn cowboy boots. My mouth goes dry at the sight, but as fine as she is, I’m not in the mood to hear more bullshit from her.

  “What do you want, Blake?” I ask, taking two steps at a time. I didn’t want to do this. The last thing I want to do is fight with her. I’d rather remember her galloping across the field, the wind in her hair and that beast of a horse under her, but she’s here now, and from the look of things, she’s here to fight.

  “What do I want? Funny you should ask that now, after taking off and ignoring my calls.”

  “I haven’t ignored you. I don’t have my phone.”

  She marches across the yard and stabs a finger in my chest. “But you did leave.”

  “Don’t you have somewhere else to be? Something else to be doing?” I ask.

  “Yeah, I’ve got something else I want to be doing.” Grabbing my shirt in her fist, she pulls my face down and presses her lips against mine. I’m too shocked to pull away, and truth be told, I wouldn’t even if I could.

  “Stupid. Arrogant. Prickly ass. Man.” She mumbles each word between kisses.

  “What the hell are you doing?”

  “I’m kissing you, dumbass. Wasn’t that obvious?”

  “But Brad—”

  “I don’t want Brad, dummy. I want you.”

  Never in a million years did I think I would hear those words. “But Janie said—”

  “I know what Janie said. She told me when I stopped by there looking for you. I don’t know why Brad is going around saying the shit he is, but I’m never taking him back. I should have never said yes to marrying him to begin with. I guess I thought that’s what I was supposed to do. I don’t know.”

  “So, you’re not
planning your wedding and leaving us all again?”

  “And let you destroy all of my hard work? Pshh. Not a chance. Now take me inside to see your mama. It’s been too long.”

  She doesn’t have to tell me twice. Mom is in the kitchen when we walk in, and as soon as she sees Blake, her eyes fill with tears. Blake curls into her arms the same way she did as a kid, and for the longest time, they just hold each other. When they separate, tears are streaming down both of their faces and the back of my throat is burning, but I’m pretty sure it’s just from all the dust in the air.

  “You’re the spitting image of your mama, baby girl.”

  “Yes, ma’am. I’ve heard that a lot.”

  “I miss her too, baby.” Blake nods, unable to speak, and Mom pulls her back in for another hug.

  “I’m sorry I stayed away. I just . . .”

  “I know. You’re back now. That’s all that matters. Are you planning on staying?”

  I hold my breath, afraid of her answer. Her eyes search the room for me and hold mine for a fraction of a second before she nods. “I plan on it.”

  “Good. This is home. Good.”

  For the first time since seeing Blake again, I take a deep breath and let it fill my lungs. I’ve been worried about getting too close to her or letting her back in my heart for fear of her running right back out the door. A part of me didn’t believe she was home to stay but was too scared to ask her myself.

  “Who’s hungry? I’ll fire up the grill and make some burgers.”

  “I can make the patties,” Blake offers, making herself right at home. Mom eyes her for a second and then winks at me. Her face says it all. I haven’t seen her this happy in a very long time.

  “I’ll whip together some potato salad if you wanna toss some corn on the grill too, Cal.

  19

  #catchingup

  Blake

  After dinner, I help clean up the kitchen and kiss Katherine goodbye. I won’t let as much time pass before coming back. I know now that my leaving had been a mistake. I was terrified of seeing her, thinking that being around her would hurt too much, but it was the opposite. She reminded me of the sweet times we had before Mama got sick. I needed this, even if I didn’t know I needed it.